Meet the Noworyta Family!

November is National Adoption Month and we spoke with Rachelyn and Paul Noworyta, adoptive parents with New Directions, about their experience.

What was your journey to foster to adopt like?

Rachelyn: “We always knew that we wanted a family.  However, life and our careers seemed to keep getting in the way.  We always considered adoption as a possibility, but we tried the ‘traditional’ way first.  After the challenges that we faced, we realized that it wasn’t the path for us.

It was a natural progression for us to decide to foster to adopt.  We wanted to give back and we knew friends who had also fostered to adopt through New Directions Youth and Family Services.  I also heard stories all of the time about kids in the system from my sister and her ‘forever girlfriend’ who work with those children as students.  We really didn’t have to think about it.  It’s kind of like destiny.  I remember growing up that I always I wanted to adopt.  When I brought it up to Paul, he said, ‘Okay, let’s do it!’

We started classes with Missy and Mel, members of New Directions Youth and Family Services’ Foster Care Team, learning everything that we possibly could about being foster parents.  We went through home studies and so much more.  There’s a silly little quote that it so fitting, ‘No stretch marks, but lots of paper cuts.’ We were so excited!

Throughout our journey to become foster parents, we began collecting baby and toddler items. Preplanning so when the time came that we were certified, we would be ready. We are so glad that we did that because – although completely unheard of – only two days after we became certified, we received a phone call.  It was about a newborn baby boy.  I asked Paul, ‘Are you ready?’ The answer was a resounding yes, of course we were ready, and we started our journey.

We ran to the store and bought whatever we thought that a newborn would need and we headed to the hospital.  When we walked in to this huge hospital room with him in his little hospital crib, Paul and I just looked at each other and something in us just knew. The goal of fostering is always to reunite children with their families.  We had been taught through the classes that you were a foster parent until you were not.  That you love and care for the child until they can return home.  But seeing him, we knew.  We just knew in our hearts that it was just destined to be.

When we brought him home, all of our family was just so excited and supportive. They treated him no different than any other child in the family. Paul’s brother’s children even got a ‘Cousin’s Crew’ t-shirt for the baby, Finn, so that he could match them.  He was just automatically a part of the family.  I cannot say enough good things about our family for being open-hearted, kind, and loving, knowing that this may not be forever. That was huge and I am so proud of their support.”

Paul: “They always say that you never know the good times when they happen, but it really seemed like from the get-go that these were the good times.  It was weird.  When we saw Finn, it just felt like forever. It felt like he was home. I don’t know.”

Rachelyn: “From the very start, at least once a week, I’d hear Paul say, ‘Oh, I love being a dad!’”

I understand that you currently have another child placed with you. Are you able to talk about what that is like?

Rachelyn: “Yeah, we have a new foster child who has been placed with us. Once again, our family is doing the same exact thing that they did with Finn. They are just open and loving.  Everyone is treating the new child the same as everyone else. We know in our hearts that this child will be reunified with their family, but that doesn’t change how we treat them. 

We have been very fortunate to have such a good relationship with this new child’s family and an open dialogue with them.  It really helps us to work as a team together for reunification. It’s super important for both families to work together toward the same vision – especially for the children.  It’s important for the kids to see that nobody is ‘bad’ or ‘evil’, we are all just working together for them.”

What is the most challenging part of adopting a child?

Rachelyn: “The most challenging part of adoption for us was how long the adoption process is. The system just moves so slowly – and we understand why. Everything needs to be reviewed by several different parties to make sure that everything is in the child’s best interest. It is a long process, though. The waiting is difficult. Even with the special circumstances around Finn’s case, we still had to wait over a year and a half until we were finally able to adopt.”

What’s the most rewarding part of adopting a child?

Rachelyn: “Oh my goodness – everything! The most rewarding part is when they call you ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’ and knowing that it is forever, knowing that it’s official, knowing that no matter what you are their family legally.  The most rewarding part of adopting is knowing that you will be able to watch them grow and pursue their goals as they grow up – everything that parenthood comes with.”

Adoption day is a huge milestone. Did you do anything special to celebrate?

Rachelyn: “Absolutely!  We all wore outfits to match Finn. We invited our families and close friends who all have been a part of this journey with us and Finn.  People who love him and have been a part of his life.  Everyone came to the courthouse for his big day and afterwards we had a reception for him.  We had pizza – Finn’s absolute favorite food – and fancy sugar cookies that my mom brought.  You cannot go wrong with pizza and cookies!

Finn’s biological brother, who has also been adopted, joined us as well.  We have a good relationship with their family and we actually went to his brother’s celebration when he was adopted.  It’s amazing. Through our foster to adopt journey our family has grown.  These were complete strangers, now we are family through our children.  We are aunts/uncles to each other’s children and they refer to themselves as cousins – even Paul’s niece and nephew do.  We’ve gotten together for birthday parties and all sorts of family gatherings.  We want to make sure that the boys can grow up as family even though they aren’t being raised in the same home.  We want them to have each other to talk things through when they are older.”

What are you most excited for in the future as you move forward as an official forever family?

Rachelyn: “Everything – everything that life has to offer or that life throws at us. The good, the bad, the ugly.  The amazing adventures.  Everything.”

Do you have any advice for anyone thing about fostering to adopt?

Rachelyn: “Be patient. I know that our story is so rare, so my advice would be that while on the journey to become adoptive parents make sure that your heart is so open to all of the kids that might come through your home.  Reunification is a beautiful thing.  Whatever comes your way, whatever you go through, it’s all supposed to happen.  With each step there is something to learn and something to grow from.  Be patient.

Paul and I want more kids and we know that the way to that goal is to have an open mind and an open heart for whoever needs it.”

Paul: “Everyone who is in the fostering world already knows about the challenges that come along with it, like the court dates and visits.  But being a foster parent can be lonely at times because it can be tricky to find others who you can talk to and connect with if they haven’t experienced fostering before.  Like trying to explain why you meet with the bio family and about the process that you go through when visiting the doctor’s office.

There was a coworker that shared many of the same experiences as a foster parent who I was able to talk to about the challenges and positive moments of being a foster parent and that was nice. When the emails were sent out to us about the support groups for foster families, I never thought that I would use them.  I never thought that I would be interested in talking to someone outside of my immediate circle, but it was really awesome. It can be very helpful to talk to someone who is in the same boat.”

Rachelyn: “After speaking to new foster parents at a CPR training at New Directions’ Wyndham Lawn Campus, we realized that we sort of had foster parents that had served as mentors to us in Finn’s brother’s parents. Being able to talk to people outside of your direct support system who are also foster parents, is definitely a strength.”

Is there anything else that you’d like to add?

Rachelyn: “There is one thing that pops into my head.  It’s just something that’s kind of weird for us.  When people find out that you are a foster parent or foster to adopt parent they tend to say things like, ‘Bless you,’ good for you,’ ‘you’re doing such a great thing,’ and other praises like that. It’s a little awkward because we aren’t fostering children for praise and we never know how to respond. Sometimes I’ll say, ‘Oh, we’re doing it for selfish reasons – to grow our family.’  

We are just doing what we feel is right for our family just like everyone else does what they feel is right for their families.  Our family just took a different path.  We understand where people are coming from when they say these things, it just feels a little weird to be on the receiving end of it.”